Recent Thoughts

So much has happened in the last ten months or so, and this blog has only been in existence for a week or less, so allow me to intermix the past with the present until I can get everything I want in writing.

Today I want to record a few recent thoughts. First, a few days ago, I was around a number of people--some I hadn't seen in a long time. One gal asked if I had two kids and then said, "Or is it one?" I said I have Isaac and was actually pregnant earlier this year and lost the pregnancy which was followed by, "So I have two kids, but one living." Of course this ensued the "ohh's" which made me go into more detail. However, it was just weird--"it" being the conversation. And all I can say to explain this is that I felt like it had been so long since I talked about Angelina to those who had no idea that I didn't know how to talk about what we went through. "Weird" right? I concluded that it just wasn't the right setting to go into great detail or length.

Secondly, we were challenged as women in our church to complete the new Young Women value experiences and project for "virtue." I was really excited about this and gladly took on the challenge. At the start of this challenge I was really struggling over the fact of how much I missed Angelina. There are times that I think, "I should be holding a newborn baby right now," or when I see baby clothes and think of my baby girl in them or even when I see others having to take care of crying babies and wishing that was me. You have no idea how much I yearn to have another child right now, and again, perhaps that is part of my trial. So I continue to exercise faith in the Lord's will and timing of all things. An aspect of having a child on the other side of the veil is that I pray daily to feel her influence in my and our family's life. At this particular time, Angelina was constantly in my thoughts...I really needed a "lift me up." So this challenge from our church couldn't have come at a better time.

One of the value experiences had us read in 2 Nephi 32:1-5. In verses 2 & 3 it reads:

"Do ye not remember that I said unto you that after ye had received the Holy Ghost ye could speak with the tongue of angels? ... Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."

I cannot even tell you how welcoming and inspiring these verses were to me on that particular day--and still are today. I know that I can speak to Angelina and feel her spirit and influence on this side of the veil through the gift of the Holy Ghost. What a reminder these verses were to me to live in a way that keep me worthy and righteous to keep that line of communication open with my baby girl.

A few days after that experience, I finished the "value experiences" and began the "value project" which is to read the entire Book of Mormon. Again, I saw the Lord's hand work miracles in my life.

I started in the very first chapter and in the very first verse. In that verse it reads, "...and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days..." I have read this verse many times and never has this line stuck out to me before. In reading a book titled "Doctrinal commentary on the Book of Mormon," I came across this reference to the aforementioned verse:

"Life was not intended to be easy. The path of righteousness, that course leading to eternal life, is ever an upward climb and hence uninviting to many. Nephi saw afflictions and blessings as compatible companions. Surely anything that brings us nearer to God is a blessing."


This commentary coupled with the verse in the scriptures also hit me like a ton of brick, because I 100 percent agree with it. We knew when we went through everything that we would accept the Lord's will. We knew that. And I believe that because we allowed the Lord in our lives at a very hard and difficult time, we saw many blessings along the way. This commentary has become a new "motto" for me, if you will..."Surely anything that brings us nearer to God is a blessing." ...perhaps that is something I can always say now when I talk about Angelina.